Funny-stuff
The color of the intersections?
The opposite world:
(Received from J.D.Hubble)
The Irish Secretary:
(Received from J.Bloomer)
An Irish girl went to London to work
as a secretary and began sending home money and gifts to her parents. After
a few years they asked her to come home for a visit, as her father was
getting frail and elderly.
She pulled up to the family home in
a Rolls Royce and stepped out, wearing fur and diamonds. As she walked
into the house her father said "Hmmm, they seem to be paying secretaries
awfully well in London."
The girl took his hands and said, "Dad,
I've been meaning to tell you something for years, but I didn't want to
put it in a letter. I can't hide it from you any longer. I've become a
prostitute."
Her father gasped, put his hand on
his heart and keeled over. The doctor was called but the old man had clearly
lost the will to live. He was put to bed and the priest was called. As
the priest began to administer Extreme Unction, with the mother and d aughter
weeping and wailing, the old man muttered weakly "I'm a goner-- killed
by my own daughter! Killed by the shame of what you've become!"
"Please forgive me," his daughter sobbed,
"I only wanted to have nice things! I wanted to be able to send you money
and the only way I could do it was by becoming a prostitute."
Brushing the priest aside, the old
man sat bolt upright in bed, smiling: Glory be to Jesus", said he, "I thought
you said PROTESTANT!"
Two excamples from the hand of
the late Danish cartoonist Hans Qvist:
Translation: They don't examine the
eyes! They only count them.
Translation: Don't pronounce
it, just tell me the letters!
An anecdote about a Dane
in Australia:
A Danish fisherman from Hirtshals (a
small fishing port on the north west coast of Jylland (Jutland)) was unsatisfied
with the fishing quota system and with the fisheries inspection.
Therefore he sold his boat and his
house and emigrated to Australia, where he bought a derelict farm in the
wilderness. It all took place in the month of November. After a week he
saw a cloud of dust at a great distance. It showed up to be a Land Rover.
It stopped in the yard, and out jumped a tall guy with a huge knife
in the belt. I'm your nearest neighbour, he said. I live 400 miles to the
north, and I want to welcome you to Australia and I also want to invite
you to my new years party on December 31th.
Thank you very much, the fisherman
replied, it will be a pleasure for me to come. OK, the Australian said,
but I have to tell you, that there will be plenty of drinking with lots
of both whisky and beer. It sounds good, the Dane replied. Yes, the Australian
continued, and some fighting during the evening and the night is probably
also inevitable. It's OK with me, the Dane said, I'm used to it from the
pub in Hirtshals. Fine, the Australian said, oh by the way, I forgot to
mention that there will probably also be lots of sex during the party.
It sounds good, the fisherman replied. I'll be looking forward to the party.
All Right then. The party starts at
6 pm. So long the Australian said, jumped into the Land Rover and drove
along.
After a while the fisherman began to
think about which dress he should wear to the party. Would it be a fancy
dress ball? Or should he wear a tuxedo? I must find out what
to do he said to himself, started the car and drove after the Aussie. After
an hour he caught the Australian up, had him stopped and told him about
the problem. I don't know what to wear to the party he said.
It doesn't matter at all, the Australian
replied. We'll only be the two of us.
Click the picture to get the sound!
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